You may want to throw me into the loony bin...

I love America because no other country in the world likes to make me believe I am free more then the US does. But if it's so free then why is it unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor in Denver? WTF? It's MY vacuum cleaner!

So, ok...I suppose I could live with a law like that. Taking hygiene into consideration someone might have had a point there. But since I moved to Georgia I am not even allowed to keep my donkey in my own freaking bath tub! Well I guess that one doesn't apply to me. Our "ass" is really a Labrador.

But then they say it is illegal to keep an ice cream cone in my pocket on Sunday. Oh, on Sunday only, eh? That just really sucks because Sunday out of all the days is the one where I really wanted to carry an ice cream cone in my pocket!

But I do love this next one It's one of the reasons I have begged my husband to please move us all out to Kennesaw: "Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind."

But who am I kidding, if I would follow that law I would probably loose my freedom because of possession of a firearm without a permit. Well, hellllooooooo! Nobody mentioned a permit! All they said was that I must possess a firearm of some kind. And down the drain I go...which I am sure is illegal somewhere too.

Yes, I love America. But what was I really trying to get at here? Lemme think…. Oh yes, my love for politics, religion and anything else that is either hypocritical or plain stupid. I also have an un-natural love for sarcasm.

Yes I love politicians. I love them so much! Because I have to. I have no choice. I am poor, I cannot afford digital cable. I wanted to watch ER at 10 pm, instead I had to watch JFK (I'll get to him in a minute) and his wife and other running mates. I have to listen to oral sex as only politicians can give it to you. That's right, oral sex. I am not talking about Clinton's version of oral sex, no. I am talking about people who promise you the best sex you've ever had but never deliver a damn thing.

You are asking me why I am comparing politics with sex? See, I promised my husband a BJ 5 years ago. He never got it! Nor will he ever get it! I am so honest with you here now; you don't want to hear it. And still you will listen to me because...well, because there just is nothing else to listen to! Now you know what I felt like when I turned on my TV and I had to listen to John Fucking Kerry (here, I got to him now).

I WANT TO WATCH ER!

So, I lean back and figure gee...sometime after this tart of his is done shitting me about "He believes that our voices - yours and mine - must be the voices of freedom" and "And he will always, always be first in the line of fire"...sometime after all that crap, my show will be on. I figure lets switch to some other TV stations that come for free and guess who's talking now? It's the good Reverend SOandSO and he's trying to pull my last penny out of my pocket because some school children in Iraq need school supplies! Ok, whatever. On the next channel (the next religious channel, because lets face it we can never have enough of those here) I am being send to hell because I have sinned. Ok, what did I do now again?!?

Out of fear I go on to the next channel and there he is again. You guessed it. It's JFK in all his pomp and glory. We can't seem to separate politics and religion because that's all we really have! So now we end up at the original statement again. I love America because I am free to choose.

I am free to choose as long as I pay! Yeah, that's it! They all lied to us! We were raised in the belief that money does not buy you friends and freedom. Hell YEAH it does!

The only reason I have the freedom of choice is because I am paying for digital cable. The only reason I am not in hell yet, is because I went on back to JFK. The only reason JFK is running for president AND is the richest democrat to run ever, is because of Heinz ketchup! That's it right there!

But that's where I will really stand up for my freedom of choice and speech! I vote Kroger ketchup and Kroger ketchup only! I'll give you a choice though. You may pick Wal-Mart ketchup instead.

I probably have not mentioned anywhere here that I am not even allowed to vote, right? My European roots make it illegal. My European roots make me love America. Do they now? I could of course buy citizen ship and vote. Or leave, go back from where my European roots have sent me.

But I won't leave because I love this free country! I love politics and nowhere else on this planet will TV be interrupted for politics as much as it will be here! And I would not want to live without the good Reverend SOandSO!

I am just glad to be in Georgia right now, because of the mental state I am in it would be dangerous if we were still in New York. Up there the penalty for jumping off a building is death.

NO SHIT!

Posted by Jessie at July 30, 2004 06:25 PM